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敢说话也是一种艺术⑰⑱⑲⑳⓪⓿❶❷❸❹❺，有时候即使我们知道该大声说出来表达自己的合理诉求⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓，为自己发声❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣，但也很难做到☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；。社会心理学家Adam Galinsky揭露了为什么我们会感到纠结⓱⓲⓳⓴⓵⓶⓷⓸⓹⓺⓻⓼⓽⓾，同时他提供了几种方法㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦，帮助我们学习如何维护自己的权利⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，处理棘手的社交场合✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴。
Speaking up is hard to do. I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago, when my wife and I became new parents. It was an amazing moment. It was exhilarating and elating, but it was also scary and terrifying. And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital, and we were unsure whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding. And we wanted to call our pediatrician, but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent. So we worried. And we waited. When we got to the doctor's office the next day, she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated. Our son is fine now, and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. But in that moment, I should've spoken up, but I didn't.
放大声音的说话并不简单⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ。我直到整整一个月前⑰⑱⑲⑳⓪⓿❶❷❸❹❺，当我与妻子初为父母的时候才理解这个短语的真正用意⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ。那是一个神奇的时刻⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓。那是一个令人兴奋与激动的时刻✺ϟ☇♤♧♡♢♠♣♥，但是那也是可怕的ⓣⓤⓥⓦⓧⓨⓩ，令人恐惧的时刻⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ。当我们刚从医院回到家的时候㊀㊁㊂㊃㊄㊅㊆㊇㊈㊉，尤其令人恐惧我们并不确定我们刚出生的宝宝是否能从母乳中得到足够的养分㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦。我们想打电话给我们的儿科医生⑰⑱⑲⑳⓪⓿❶❷❸❹❺，但是我们也不想给别人留下不好的一印象ⒺⒻⒼⒽⒾⒿⓀⓁⓂⓃⓄⓅⓆⓇⓈⓉ，或者被当作是疯狂的⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓，神经质的父母ⒺⒻⒼⒽⒾⒿⓀⓁⓂⓃⓄⓅⓆⓇⓈⓉ。所以我们很担心⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯。但我们选择了等待ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ。当我们第二天早上去见医生的时候⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤，她立刻给宝宝开了配方☾☽❄☃，因为他脱水很严重☈⊙☉℃℉❅。我们的儿子现在已经好了✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴，我们的医生也让我们放心♀☿☼☀☁☂☄，可以随时联系她ⒺⒻⒼⒽⒾⒿⓀⓁⓂⓃⓄⓅⓆⓇⓈⓉ。但是在那个时刻♀☿☼☀☁☂☄，我应该大声说出来的☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；，我却没做到웃유ღ♋♂。
But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't, and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker, and for one of his first films, he got an offer from a distribution company. He was excited, and he was inclined to accept the offer. But as a negotiations researcher, I insisted he make a counteroffer, and I helped him craft the perfect one. And it was perfect -- it was perfectly insulting. The company was so offended, they literally withdrew the offer and my brother was left with nothing.
但是有时我们会在不该发言的时候放声大说⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓，我是在一十年多昔日☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；，当我让我的双胞胎手足失望的时候☈⊙☉℃℉❅，学会的✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴。我的双胞胎手足是一个纪录片照相师✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴，在他的早期作品中ⅲⅳⅴⅵⅶⅷⅸⅹⒶⒷⒸⒹ，有一部得到了分销公司的青睐✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅。他激动❣❦❧♡۵，倾向于接受这份邀请☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；。但是当作别名谈判考究员❻❼❽❾❿⓫⓬⓭⓮⓯⓰，这份邀请被我争持要求他拒绝了✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅，并补贴他草拟了一份完美的合同⓱⓲⓳⓴⓵⓶⓷⓸⓹⓺⓻⓼⓽⓾。而那是完美的—完美的侮辱行为✺ϟ☇♤♧♡♢♠♣♥。那家公司感觉被触犯了✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴，他们就撤回了他们的邀请㈧㈨㈩⑴⑵⑶⑷⑸⑹⑺⑻⑼⑽⑾⑿⒀⒁⒂，然后我手足就四壁萧条了☾☽❄☃。
And the range of stories are varied and diverse, but they also make up a universal tapestry. Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes? Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke? Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities?
我听过多量的⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓，各不无别的故事☾☽❄☃，但他们编织了同绣帷⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤。我能在老板们堕落时纠正他们的错误吗웃유ღ♋♂？我能与总是踩到我脚趾的同事对质吗⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯？我能质疑同伴讲的不合时尚的笑话吗⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓？我没关系告诉我偏爱的人我内心深处的不平安感吗❣❦❧♡۵？
And through these experiences, I've come to recognize that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much. That's what happened with my brother. Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior. But sometimes we're too weak. That's what happened with my wife and I. And this range of acceptable behaviors -- when we stay within our range, we're rewarded. When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized. Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal.
通过这些经历❻❼❽❾❿⓫⓬⓭⓮⓯⓰，我开始认识到我们每个人都是有一个可接受行为范围的ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ。有些时候✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅，我们太强势了：我们给自己负压太大ⓣⓤⓥⓦⓧⓨⓩ。那就是发生在我兄弟身上的事件所表明的✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅。甚至提出一个建议❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣，都是在他可接受行为范围之外的了但是有时㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦，我们又太软弱了㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦。就是我和我妻子所表现出来的㈧㈨㈩⑴⑵⑶⑷⑸⑹⑺⑻⑼⑽⑾⑿⒀⒁⒂。而这个可接受行为范围－当我们呆在范围内的时候⑰⑱⑲⑳⓪⓿❶❷❸❹❺，我们就会被奖励⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓。当我们跨出范围圈的时候☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；，我们就会受到不同形式的惩罚♦☜☞☝✍☚☛☟✌✽✾✿❁❃。我们被开除或贬低ⅲⅳⅴⅵⅶⅷⅸⅹⒶⒷⒸⒹ，甚至被排斥✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅。我们失去加薪或晋升✺ϟ☇♤♧♡♢♠♣♥，或是一笔交易ⓣⓤⓥⓦⓧⓨⓩ。
Now, the first thing we need to know is: What is my range? But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed; it's actually pretty dynamic. It expands and it narrows based on the context. And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else, and that's your power. Your power determines your range. What is power? Power comes in lots of forms. In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives. So my brother had no alternatives; he lacked power. The company had lots of alternatives; they had power. Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant, or new to an organization or new to an experience, like my wife and I as new parents. Sometimes it's at work, where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate. Sometimes it's in relationships, where one person's more invested than the other person.
现在웃유ღ♋♂，我们需要明白的一件事就是：我的域是什么ⒺⒻⒼⒽⒾⒿⓀⓁⓂⓃⓄⓅⓆⓇⓈⓉ？但关键问题是⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，我们的可接受范围并不固定❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣；它实际上是高度动态的㈧㈨㈩⑴⑵⑶⑷⑸⑹⑺⑻⑼⑽⑾⑿⒀⒁⒂。它会随具体语境而放大或缩小✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴。有一样东西在可接受范围大小这件事上起决定性作用⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，那就是你的实力ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ。你的实力决定了你的可接受范围域㊀㊁㊂㊃㊄㊅㊆㊇㊈㊉。实力是指什么✺ϟ☇♤♧♡♢♠♣♥？实力是以各种形式呈现的❻❼❽❾❿⓫⓬⓭⓮⓯⓰。在谈判中㈧㈨㈩⑴⑵⑶⑷⑸⑹⑺⑻⑼⑽⑾⑿⒀⒁⒂，实力以其他解决方案的形式呈现☈⊙☉℃℉❅。而我的兄弟没有其他选择⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤；他的实力不够♀☿☼☀☁☂☄。公司就有很多的备用选择❣❦❧♡۵；他们的实力很强☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；。有时是新到一个国家⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，例如移民⓱⓲⓳⓴⓵⓶⓷⓸⓹⓺⓻⓼⓽⓾，或是新加入一个组织⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯，或是对什么事情没有经验ⓣⓤⓥⓦⓧⓨⓩ，就像我和我妻子初为人父母❣❦❧♡۵。有的时候是在工作上ⅲⅳⅴⅵⅶⅷⅸⅹⒶⒷⒸⒹ，有人是老板①②③④⑤⑥⑦⑧⑨⑩⑪⑫⑬⑭⑮⑯，而另一些人是下属⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤。有时是在情感上ⅲⅳⅴⅵⅶⅷⅸⅹⒶⒷⒸⒹ，一个人比另一个人投入更多
And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, our range is very wide. We have a lot of leeway in how to behave. But when we lack power, our range narrows. We have very little leeway. The problem is that when our range narrows, that produces something called the low-power double bind. The low-power double bind happens when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed, but if we do speak up, we get punished.
重点是웃유ღ♋♂，当我们有强大的实力时㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦，我们的可接受范围就会变得非常广✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴。我们的行动就有了很大的余地①②③④⑤⑥⑦⑧⑨⑩⑪⑫⑬⑭⑮⑯。但是当我们实力不足时①②③④⑤⑥⑦⑧⑨⑩⑪⑫⑬⑭⑮⑯，我们的域就会缩小✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴。我们行动就变得局限⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯。问题是当我们的可接受范围缩小的时候웃유ღ♋♂，就会进入一种“弱势两难”的处境❣❦❧♡۵。当我们陷入“弱势两难”的处境时☈⊙☉℃℉❅，我们不为自己说话⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯，就会被忽视ⅲⅳⅴⅵⅶⅷⅸⅹⒶⒷⒸⒹ，当我们说出来的时候ⓣⓤⓥⓦⓧⓨⓩ，又会被惩罚⓱⓲⓳⓴⓵⓶⓷⓸⓹⓺⓻⓼⓽⓾。
So we need to find ways to expand our range. And over the last couple decades, my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. When I feel powerful, I feel confident, not fearful; I expand my own range. When other people see me as powerful, they grant me a wider range. So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior. And I'm going to give you a set of tools today. Speaking up is risky, but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up.
以是我们找到方法⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，扩大我们的可接受范围웃유ღ♋♂。在过去的几十年中ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ，我和我的同事找到了两个重要的影响因素一点：你在自己眼中是实力者♀☿☼☀☁☂☄。第二点：你在他人眼中是实力者☾☽❄☃。当感觉自己实力强大⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯，会很自尊❻❼❽❾❿⓫⓬⓭⓮⓯⓰，不会恐惧㊀㊁㊂㊃㊄㊅㊆㊇㊈㊉；能扩大自己的域㊀㊁㊂㊃㊄㊅㊆㊇㊈㊉。当他人把自己看作实力强大的人时☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；，他们予以了我更广的可接受范围♦☜☞☝✍☚☛☟✌✽✾✿❁❃。以是我们必要工具扩大我们的可接受行为范围웃유ღ♋♂。我今天给你们一套工具ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ。大声说是有风险的一件事❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣，但是这些工具会降低大声说的风险☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；。
The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations in an important finding. This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect." Like a mama bear defending her cubs, when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice.
我要给你们的一个工具是在协商领域被发现的❣❦❧♡۵，是很重要的一个发现웃유ღ♋♂。这就是我们经常说的“熊妈妈效应”❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣。就像熊妈妈在维护自己的熊宝宝✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅，当我们为他人声张的时候ⓣⓤⓥⓦⓧⓨⓩ，我们就能发掘自己的声音❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣。
But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. How do we do that? One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves is something called perspective-taking.
但是有些时候☾☽❄☃，我们必须为自己放声说⓱⓲⓳⓴⓵⓶⓷⓸⓹⓺⓻⓼⓽⓾。我们应该怎么做呢☾☽❄☃？为自己讲话需要的重要的工具就是一种叫做“换位思考”的东西ⓊⓋⓌⓍⓎⓏⓐⓑⓒⓓⓔⓕⓖⓗⓘⓙ。
Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable, and that is to signal flexibility. Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options.
再有另一种能让我们既自豪☾☽❄☃，能招人嗜好的方法⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，那即是再现灵活性♀☿☼☀☁☂☄。目前⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤，联想自身是别名汽车出卖员⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯，你要卖给别人一辆车웃유ღ♋♂。假使你能给他们两种采取♦☜☞☝✍☚☛☟✌✽✾✿❁❃，你便当卖出车ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ。
Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up is when we have expertise. Expertise gives us credibility. When we have high power, we already have credibility. We only need good evidence. When we lack power, we don't have the credibility. We need excellent evidence.
另一种处境下❣❦❧♡۵，我们会有自负高声说❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣，那即是当我们掌握了专业学问ⓚⓛⓜⓝⓞⓟⓠⓡⓢ。专业学问带给我们可信度✺ϟ☇♤♧♡♢♠♣♥。当我们实力强大的时候⒃⒄⒅⒆⒇⒈⒉⒊⒋⒌⒍⒎⒏⒐⒑⒒⒓，我们就已经拥有了可信度❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣。我们须要好的证据⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵❆❇❈❉❊†☨✞✝☥☦☓☩☯。而我们实力不够的时候❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣，我们异国可信度㊀㊁㊂㊃㊄㊅㊆㊇㊈㊉。我们须要先进的证据웃유ღ♋♂。
So when a scene calls for it, be a ferocious mama bear and a humble advice seeker. Have excellent evidence and strong allies. Be a passionate perspective taker. And if you use those tools -- and each and every one of you can use these tools -- you will expand your range of acceptable behavior, and your days will be mostly joyful.
当情景需要的时候✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅，变成一只凶猛的熊妈妈☈⊙☉℃℉❅，或是一个谦恭的咨询者✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅。拥有先进的证据和强大的盟友⓱⓲⓳⓴⓵⓶⓷⓸⓹⓺⓻⓼⓽⓾。成为一个热情的换位思考者⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ。如果你能够运用这些工具－这些是在座的每一位都能够使用的工具－你们就能扩大你们的可接受行为范围♀☿☼☀☁☂☄，你们的生活就会很快乐的☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；。
敢于发声的重要性不言而喻☾☽❄☃，假使总是害怕语言⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，不会显示自身✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅，不仅在职场上晋升很困难☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；，在生活中♦☜☞☝✍☚☛☟✌✽✾✿❁❃，也永远只能是个寂寂无闻㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦、毫无存在感的“小透明”㈠㈡㈢㈣㈤㈥㈦。出色的当众表达⒔⒕⒖⒗⒘⒙⒚⒛ⅠⅡⅢⅣⅤⅥⅦⅧⅨⅩⅪⅫⅰⅱ，是提升个人魅力很好的刀兵✤✥❋✦✧✩✰✪✫✬✭✮✯❂✡★✱✲✳✴！
下周小耐姐将分享“如何做好龙八头号玩家演讲”的实用干货☧☬☸✡♁✙♆。，、＇：∶；，如果你也曾因不敢说话❋❀⚘☑✓✔√☐☒✗✘ㄨ✕✖✖⋆✢✣、说不好话而错失机会✵✶✷✸✹✺✻✼❄❅，请点“在看”㈧㈨㈩⑴⑵⑶⑷⑸⑹⑺⑻⑼⑽⑾⑿⒀⒁⒂，在留言区留下你的小故事㈧㈨㈩⑴⑵⑶⑷⑸⑹⑺⑻⑼⑽⑾⑿⒀⒁⒂，我们将精选留言送出小礼物⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤，让我们一起变得更自信❣❦❧♡۵、更♦☜☞☝✍☚☛☟✌✽✾✿❁❃！
